It could be said that the most frustrating part of any relationship happens when you think your partner is lying to you about something. In truth, the worst part is when you know they're lying, but they won't admit it.
It is to be hoped that no couple will ever have to deal with this situation, but that would be idealistic at best. We'd all like to bask in the sunshine of mutual respect, love and honesty; but life's not always like that
But most of us live in the real world. And in the real world, otherwise wonderful and perfect partners get drunk and come on strong to strangers at parties. They lie to us about it and we need some help in figuring out if they're telling tales out of school or if we're just being paranoid. To help things along, here's a little cheat sheet;
1. He/She repeats what you said
One of the most reliable tell-tale signs of someone being less than honest is when they repeat what you've just asked them as a preface to their answer. Simply put, this gives them more time to concoct their lie. I got busted for this in my 3rd grade math class when the teacher told me that I didn't need to repeat the multiplication problem he had given me before giving my answerhe knew it was just my way of stalling. If you are grilling your sweetie about something you're sketchy about, and you feel like you're playing the copy cat game, you might have a problem.
2. Check their eyes
Eyes are the biggest giveaways when it comes to carrying off a lie. Being untruthful makes you anxious and avoidant, meaning you're always less likely to look the person you're talking to in the eyes when you're trying to feed them a fallacy. Wise folks should also know that if your lover is all shifty-eyed and you're pretty sure they're full of it, check out their pupils: they're more likely to be dilated if they are spinning lies.
3. Inconsistency
Here's the dumbest thing ever: your boyfriend was out all night and you have it on good information that was up to no good. When asked about it, this must-think-I'm-an-idiot jerk changes his story, even just slightly, every time he goes over it again. I'm sorry but even if I'm stressed because I think my significant other doesn't believe me, or suspects me of something I know I haven't done, there's no way I'm going to just forget the truth.
In fact, if someone is being honest, they are much more likely to really hammer in the same facts, over and over, in an attempt to make you understand. If his/her account of what did or didn't happen is turning into a shape-shifting story, it could very well be made up.
4. He/She is too defensive
This one is all in how you approach it. If you go in with guns blazing (it's a metaphor!) you'll get an overly defensive reply which would make anyone look guilty. However, if your tone is reasonable and your partner is too defensive, he or she has something to hide. Using overly convincing language goes hand in hand with being too defensive. If you get both, there's more there than meets the eye. - 31991
It is to be hoped that no couple will ever have to deal with this situation, but that would be idealistic at best. We'd all like to bask in the sunshine of mutual respect, love and honesty; but life's not always like that
But most of us live in the real world. And in the real world, otherwise wonderful and perfect partners get drunk and come on strong to strangers at parties. They lie to us about it and we need some help in figuring out if they're telling tales out of school or if we're just being paranoid. To help things along, here's a little cheat sheet;
1. He/She repeats what you said
One of the most reliable tell-tale signs of someone being less than honest is when they repeat what you've just asked them as a preface to their answer. Simply put, this gives them more time to concoct their lie. I got busted for this in my 3rd grade math class when the teacher told me that I didn't need to repeat the multiplication problem he had given me before giving my answerhe knew it was just my way of stalling. If you are grilling your sweetie about something you're sketchy about, and you feel like you're playing the copy cat game, you might have a problem.
2. Check their eyes
Eyes are the biggest giveaways when it comes to carrying off a lie. Being untruthful makes you anxious and avoidant, meaning you're always less likely to look the person you're talking to in the eyes when you're trying to feed them a fallacy. Wise folks should also know that if your lover is all shifty-eyed and you're pretty sure they're full of it, check out their pupils: they're more likely to be dilated if they are spinning lies.
3. Inconsistency
Here's the dumbest thing ever: your boyfriend was out all night and you have it on good information that was up to no good. When asked about it, this must-think-I'm-an-idiot jerk changes his story, even just slightly, every time he goes over it again. I'm sorry but even if I'm stressed because I think my significant other doesn't believe me, or suspects me of something I know I haven't done, there's no way I'm going to just forget the truth.
In fact, if someone is being honest, they are much more likely to really hammer in the same facts, over and over, in an attempt to make you understand. If his/her account of what did or didn't happen is turning into a shape-shifting story, it could very well be made up.
4. He/She is too defensive
This one is all in how you approach it. If you go in with guns blazing (it's a metaphor!) you'll get an overly defensive reply which would make anyone look guilty. However, if your tone is reasonable and your partner is too defensive, he or she has something to hide. Using overly convincing language goes hand in hand with being too defensive. If you get both, there's more there than meets the eye. - 31991
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