Scowling and crossing your arms is equivalent to throwing Kryptonite at the Superman when it comes to dating, but what about barely obvious body language?
If you are skeptical about how the subtlest body language affects your love life, play a game with me.
Straighten your arm as if you were doing a "Heil Hitler" salute. What's the feeling? Dominant, aggressive, hateful, right? It isn't your arm that's creating those feelings, by the way. It's your palm.
Watch.
Keep your arm in the air, but now turn the palm up. What's the feeling now? Open, inviting, fun. Turn the palm down and you feel like Hitler. Turn it up and you feel like...
Now, if a simple palm movement has that kind of emotional effect on you, imagine the effect it has on folks.
Clearly we don't go around saluting like SS guards, but you'd be surprised at how every day palm gestures can have nearly the same negative effects. Quick example: I have a good friend who's fairly disliked by a good many people. Although I think he's kind and generous, some folks have taken me aside and said, "There's something about him that rubs me the wrong way."
That "something" is the way in which he uses his palms. In the Hitler example, you saw the raw emotional power of a simple palm position, but again, that's not practical. This is how your palms can make somebody detest you ( like my friend ) in a real conversation.
Stand in front of a mirror so that you can see the full effect. Let's imagine you met a guy who's so good looking he makes your teeth ache. Pretend you're enlightening him an amusing story about the time you asked a work-mate to move a pile of folders from one side of the room to the other. With your palm facing down, point your hand to the imaginary pile, then to where you would like it to go. Now, try it again, this time by pointing with your index finger.
Either of those palm positions will make Toothache think you're a prick. And he won't even be in a position to tell you why. But I am able to. Analysis shows both of those hand positions communicate a disrespectful, overbearing personality. Especially, the finger pointing. It's subconsciously perceived as a symbolic club that you beat the listener with, a kind of over-the-arm blow primates use to attack.
In fact, the study is so clear and so consistent it rises to the level of law : don't EVER talk to any one by pointing your finger or turning your palm down. If you're a continual finger pointer, stop. Yes, some guys are turned on by macho, command-and-control authority figures, but come on. When was the last time anybody recounted to themselves, "Tonight i want to meet an arrogant prick who assumes I am an idiot.". - 31991
If you are skeptical about how the subtlest body language affects your love life, play a game with me.
Straighten your arm as if you were doing a "Heil Hitler" salute. What's the feeling? Dominant, aggressive, hateful, right? It isn't your arm that's creating those feelings, by the way. It's your palm.
Watch.
Keep your arm in the air, but now turn the palm up. What's the feeling now? Open, inviting, fun. Turn the palm down and you feel like Hitler. Turn it up and you feel like...
Now, if a simple palm movement has that kind of emotional effect on you, imagine the effect it has on folks.
Clearly we don't go around saluting like SS guards, but you'd be surprised at how every day palm gestures can have nearly the same negative effects. Quick example: I have a good friend who's fairly disliked by a good many people. Although I think he's kind and generous, some folks have taken me aside and said, "There's something about him that rubs me the wrong way."
That "something" is the way in which he uses his palms. In the Hitler example, you saw the raw emotional power of a simple palm position, but again, that's not practical. This is how your palms can make somebody detest you ( like my friend ) in a real conversation.
Stand in front of a mirror so that you can see the full effect. Let's imagine you met a guy who's so good looking he makes your teeth ache. Pretend you're enlightening him an amusing story about the time you asked a work-mate to move a pile of folders from one side of the room to the other. With your palm facing down, point your hand to the imaginary pile, then to where you would like it to go. Now, try it again, this time by pointing with your index finger.
Either of those palm positions will make Toothache think you're a prick. And he won't even be in a position to tell you why. But I am able to. Analysis shows both of those hand positions communicate a disrespectful, overbearing personality. Especially, the finger pointing. It's subconsciously perceived as a symbolic club that you beat the listener with, a kind of over-the-arm blow primates use to attack.
In fact, the study is so clear and so consistent it rises to the level of law : don't EVER talk to any one by pointing your finger or turning your palm down. If you're a continual finger pointer, stop. Yes, some guys are turned on by macho, command-and-control authority figures, but come on. When was the last time anybody recounted to themselves, "Tonight i want to meet an arrogant prick who assumes I am an idiot.". - 31991
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