When I break up with someone, I like to pretend they don't exist for a while. This gives me adequate time to cry, gain weight, lose the weight, cry some more, curse them to hell, and eventually make peace with the bum, I mean, the lovely person who was important to me.
I know this routine isn't perfect, and it isn't for everyone. What can I say, it works for me. I get plenty of time to overcome any "I want him back" feelings because there is always a good reason why I end a relationship. I don't give up without a fight, but once the fight's been fought, I'm done.
While mulling over the reasons for the break up, some people come to realize that, for whatever reason, the break was a mistake. What they really want is to get back together with their ex-lover, which is easier said than done and is sometimes just plain impossible.
Figure out exactly why you want him or her back
Those "I want him/her back" feelings? They can be so difficult to deal with. Besides doing number on your heart, they'll also do a number on your head. You'll come up with a ton of excuses about the problems you were experiencing that led to your breakup. You need to figure out your reason(s) for wanting him back, and you need to be brutally honest when doing so. Loneliness and sadness are not good enough reasons to try reconciliation. A genuine change of heart is.
Take some cooling off time
What you need now is some cooling off time. Even if you're absolutely certain that your ex lover will welcome a reconciliation, the fact is you broke up. And that comes with all kinds of emotions; a heart hangover if you will. Knowing that you want to get back together is all well and good, but you need to take a few days or even weeks of breathing room to heal your heart. Then you'll both be able to start over with a clean slate.
Be calm
Another good reason for giving yourself some time to cool off is to give your emotions a chance to settle before you start your reconciliation talks. He or she has had time to really miss you and you want to present your best and your calmest front, not the crying, screaming weepy mess you were a few weeks ago.
When you see each other again you want to be at your best. Actually, if you want to get back together, you want to be at your super best! The sad, unhappy person you were the last time you saw each other is not who you want to be. That persona will only bring back all that break up drama.
Be ready
You also need to get ready and be prepared for any reaction from your ex. The answer might be yes, it might be no. If it's a yes, they want you back too, you need to be prepared to follow through on whatever promises you make. Whether it's quitting smoking or seeing a shrink or learning how to cook. If you're not absolutely sure about this beforehand, then don't even bring it up.
On the other hand, you also have to brace yourself for the fact that they might not be interested in going in for round two. It's always a possibility and depending on what the circumstances are, it might even be the most likely possibility. If that happens, try to stay composed. You've already made it a few weeks without them. This isn't another break-up. Don't let this re-affirmation that you really are apart break you down again. - 31991
I know this routine isn't perfect, and it isn't for everyone. What can I say, it works for me. I get plenty of time to overcome any "I want him back" feelings because there is always a good reason why I end a relationship. I don't give up without a fight, but once the fight's been fought, I'm done.
While mulling over the reasons for the break up, some people come to realize that, for whatever reason, the break was a mistake. What they really want is to get back together with their ex-lover, which is easier said than done and is sometimes just plain impossible.
Figure out exactly why you want him or her back
Those "I want him/her back" feelings? They can be so difficult to deal with. Besides doing number on your heart, they'll also do a number on your head. You'll come up with a ton of excuses about the problems you were experiencing that led to your breakup. You need to figure out your reason(s) for wanting him back, and you need to be brutally honest when doing so. Loneliness and sadness are not good enough reasons to try reconciliation. A genuine change of heart is.
Take some cooling off time
What you need now is some cooling off time. Even if you're absolutely certain that your ex lover will welcome a reconciliation, the fact is you broke up. And that comes with all kinds of emotions; a heart hangover if you will. Knowing that you want to get back together is all well and good, but you need to take a few days or even weeks of breathing room to heal your heart. Then you'll both be able to start over with a clean slate.
Be calm
Another good reason for giving yourself some time to cool off is to give your emotions a chance to settle before you start your reconciliation talks. He or she has had time to really miss you and you want to present your best and your calmest front, not the crying, screaming weepy mess you were a few weeks ago.
When you see each other again you want to be at your best. Actually, if you want to get back together, you want to be at your super best! The sad, unhappy person you were the last time you saw each other is not who you want to be. That persona will only bring back all that break up drama.
Be ready
You also need to get ready and be prepared for any reaction from your ex. The answer might be yes, it might be no. If it's a yes, they want you back too, you need to be prepared to follow through on whatever promises you make. Whether it's quitting smoking or seeing a shrink or learning how to cook. If you're not absolutely sure about this beforehand, then don't even bring it up.
On the other hand, you also have to brace yourself for the fact that they might not be interested in going in for round two. It's always a possibility and depending on what the circumstances are, it might even be the most likely possibility. If that happens, try to stay composed. You've already made it a few weeks without them. This isn't another break-up. Don't let this re-affirmation that you really are apart break you down again. - 31991
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